The Christmas Party
by ckret2
Summary: Zim learns the true meaning of Christmas at a school party. Unfortunately, he gets a second lesson on New Years.
1. The Cristmas Party

I just read Shelley Midnight's fic about how IZ is goin' to the preps, and it almost made me cry. Go read it, it's a great fic!!  
  
Okay, down to business. *snort* Wait a second, I'm a teenage goofy fan writing a story about a TV show. No matter HOW COOL the show is, it can't really be business, can it? Anyway, I came up with this idea for a short Christmas fic a couple of days ago. One-shot, don't expect a sequel. If you want one, you could ask me for one. *gringrin*  
  
If you don't recognize one of the characters (ALEX!!), that wouldn't be suprising. However, she is not a fan character. She doesn't have any actual lines in the show, but she is in Mrs. Bitters's class. Go to thescarymonkeyshow.com if you want to see what she looks like. And, if you're wondering why I chose Alex, it's BECAUSE she's obscure. I needed a character that no one knows anything about. Okay? Okay. And, for those of you who don't know, Willy's the stinky kid in the back of the classroom.  
  
Disclaimer: Zim, Mrs. Bitters's classroom, Dib, and Alex are all © to Jhonen Vasquez and, reluctantly, Nickelodeon. Christmas is © to ... I dunno. It's © to all of us, in hopes that we'll use it as a time to celebrate, worship, and get out of school for two weeks, no strings attached. The War of The Worlds is © to H.G. Wells. The Ghost of Christmas Past is © to Charles Dickens. This story is © to me. At least, I HOPE so. 'Cause if this fic isn't mine, then I have no clue whose it is ...  
  
"" Means someone is talking  
  
' ' Means someone is thinking  
  
:: :: Means something is written in a book  
  
~*~  
  
The Christmas Party  
  
~*~  
  
"Miserable students," Mrs. Bitters said, "today you'll have to finish ALL of your schoolwork ... " The class groaned, "... because you'll be getting the next two weeks off for Christmas." A cheer rose up.  
  
Zim sat at his desk, unamused. "Who would devote a day to some fat human named Santa?" Zim muttered, remembering what he had learned the year before about Christmas. "It's just dumb, if you ask me."  
  
"There's a lot more to Christmas than that, Zim." Zim turned in his seat to see the Dib-human's smirking face inches from his own. Carefully pushing Dib back, Zim asked, "Then what else IS there to this Christmas?"  
  
"It's about worship," Dib said simply.  
  
Zim watched him a moment, waiting for him to continue, and finally said, "Aaand ...?"  
  
Dib smirked. "It's about worshipping Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Jesus taught people about God, made the blind see, the lame walk, y'know, stuff like that."  
  
Zim nodded. "Okay. I guess that makes more sense than a day devoted to some fat guy." Dib snickered and walked away.  
  
The class worked silently on all the school work they hadn't finished since the start of the school year, and Zim tried to imitate what the other kids were doing. Pulling out papers, stuffing them in his desk, opening and closing books.  
  
About five minutes later, Mrs. Bitters said, "Alright everyone, pass up your papers, the rest of the day will be devoted to a Christmas party. Pass out gifts or something."  
  
"What?!" Dib complained. "But we haven't finished any of our work! I mean, come on, we had, what five minutes? And--" The other kids silenced him with the Group Glare (trademark). "Some of us WANT a party, Dib!" The Letter M said.  
  
"I'll be gone for the rest of the day, torturing the kids who have detention," Mrs. Bitters continued. "Those students would be..." She looked at a list. "Zim, Dib, and Willy."  
  
Zim raised his hand, and without waiting to be called on said, "Mrs. Bitters, I believe there is some mistake. I don't have detention."  
  
Mrs. Bitters shrugged. "Suit yourself, but by backing out of it you'll be haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Past next week."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
And so, Mrs. Bitters dragged Dib and Willy off, leaving the rest of the class to their party.  
  
~*~  
  
Zim watched the other students. They were all exchanging gifts. 'How quaint,' he thought, yawning. 'Wasting precious monies on little toys that no one really needs. So this is some kind of party tradition? Stupid humans, with their stupid gifts, at a stupid Christmas party. I should've gone to that detention thing. At least the Dib-monkey would've entertained me. Stupid party.' Zim shifted in his seat uncomfortably. 'Why isn't anyone giving ME anything?'  
  
Looking around, all of the kids had gotten at least one gift. Some even had three or four. Zim had nothing.  
  
"This isn't right," he muttered to himself. "Zim is AMAZING! These humans should be waiting in line to give me some useless trinket!"  
  
He scanned the room one last time to see if there was anyone who might be looking his way, then he finally sighed and looked down at his desk. "So, Zim isn't good enough in their eyes to get anything, eh?" he muttered, sliding down in his seat until his head was nearly level with the desk.  
  
He sat still for awhile, listening to the other students talking to each other, thanking each other for presents, and wishing each other a Merry Christmas. No one wished Zim a Merry Christmas. Didn't he deserve that as much as any stinky human did?  
  
Finally Zim glanced up at the clock, to see how much time had passed. "Only two minutes?!" he yelled, and everyone in the room turned to stare at him. Zim slid down in his seat even further, blushing.  
  
Everyone went back to what they were doing. 'That's it,' Zim thought. 'I'm out of here.' He got up, and halfway out the door he felt someone tap his shoulder. Zim spun around, to see a girl with black hair in a ponytail, a red shirt, and a brown skirt. Her eyes were squinted like the Dib-sister's eyes were.  
  
"Eh?" Zim said. "Who are you?"  
  
"My name's Alex," the girl said, smiling slightly. "You probably don't know me. I sit two seats behind Dib, though."  
  
Zim narrowed his eyes. "That horrible DIB."  
  
Alex chuckled. "Yeah, most of us feel that way, too. You're just the first person to really give Dib a piece of your mind. We've given him wedgies and stuff, but you're really making him pay for the stuff he's done to the rest of us."  
  
"The rest of you?" Zim asked, eyeing the class as if for confirmation. "So, what's he done to you?"  
  
"He called me a vampire, and wouldn't believe me when I said I was human until I ate two bowls of spaghetti." Alex made a face. "I hate spaghetti."  
  
Zim nodded. "Yeah. I know how that is. He just keeps doing STUFF!" The Irken grinned evilly. "In fact, if he ever DID find a real alien or vampire, I bet no one would believe him."  
  
Alex nodded. "And he'd deserve it, too!"  
  
They just stood there for a few seconds, remembering all the horrible things that Dib-beast had done to both of them, when suddenly Alex said, "Oh! I almost forgot why I came over here. This is for you." She held out a gift-wrapped package, and Zim hesitantly took it. "What is it?" he asked.  
  
"It's a Christmas gift, silly."  
  
All thoughts of Dib left Zim's mind, and Zim looked up at Alex with surprise and a new admiration. "Um, thanks," he stuttered. "Should I open it?"  
  
"Well, duh."  
  
Zim decided that meant "yes," and tore the wrapping off, to reveal a book. "The War of The Worlds," Zim read off the cover. "Isn't that a movie?"  
  
Alex made another face. "Yeah, it is, but the movie's really dumb. The book's a lot better. I got it for you because you asked Mrs. Bitters the day you moved here how prepared this planet was for an alien invasion. This kinda answers that question. And besides, it's a really cool book about how these Martians almost take over Earth. I really liked it."  
  
'A book on Martians almost taking over this planet?' Zim thought. 'This book could provide the information on human weaknesses I need to conquer this filthy rock! And if they only ALMOST took over ... this story could also tell me what NOT to do when I take over the planet. Unless it's like the movie. That thing about germs didn't really help me that much ..."  
  
Zim realized Alex was still standing in front of him. "Thanks for the book, Alex."  
  
"You're welcome," she said, and turned to walk away.  
  
Suddenly, Zim realized he was acting like a jerk, receiving a gift but not giving Alex anything in return. "Wait, Alex," he said automatically.  
  
"Hmm?" she said, turning around to face Zim.  
  
'Oh, slark it,' Zim thought. 'What am I gonna do NOW?!?' He quickly went through all the things in his Nanopak with his mind. Wasn't there ANYTHING he could give Alex? Some unimportant little thing?!  
  
Zim remembered something Gir had played with once. Zim had taken it from the robot, but Alex might like it.  
  
"Here," Zim said, taking a small orb out of his Nanopak. "This is for you." Zim pushed a button on the side, and the orb started glowing and floating. A strange tune floated out of the orb, one that Alex would not know but Zim recognized as Irk's Anthem. "It stores songs," Zim said. "You have to hold the button I pushed down, and it records what it hears, then it'll play it back." Zim pushed the button a second time, and the orb fell into his palm.  
  
"Wow," Alex murmured, taking the orb, then she flashed Zim a huge smile. "Thanks Zim, and Merry Christmas!"  
  
"Yes, yes, Merry Christmas to you too," Zim said, waving a hand dismissively as Alex returned to her seat, but inside he felt, well, good. Glad he had done something nice for someone else.  
  
Zim sat down at his desk and opened his new book, wondering why he had just given a human wormbaby Irken technology, then decided the stench of the other students had gotten to his head. Or maybe it had to do with this Christmas or that magical "Jesus" person.* There was more to this holiday than Zim had originally thought.  
  
::1. The Eve of the War  
  
No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own ; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinized and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinize the transient creatures that swam and multiplied in a drop of water ...::  
  
'Hey,' Zim thought, 'this book is already better than the movie.'  
  
And so, for the rest of the school day, Zim read War of The Worlds; his first Christmas gift.  
  
~*~  
  
Well, what'ya think? Is it any good? I worked about three hours on this, so I hope so! Please review!  
  
I know it's after Christmas and I'm reloading this fic, sorry! I'm not trying to get more reviews or anything, but I spelled a word wrong. Most of the time, I wouldn't care, but when you spell the word Christ wrong in a Christmas fic, you just feel like you HAVE to fix it.  
  
*For you super-religious people that might be offended by my referring to Jesus Christ as "that magical 'Jesus' person," I mean no disrespect. I am a Christian, and I wouldn't normally talk like that about Jesus, but I'm trying to keep Zim in character and that's probably how he'd refer to a person he heard about who could make the lame walk and the blind see. I doubt Zim is exactly a Baptist. *giggles at the thought of Zim getting baptized* 


	2. Times Square

Howdy y'all! It's almost midnight where I am, and I decided to spit out one final fic before the New Year. (TWO THOUSAND FOUR! YEAR TWO THOUSAND AND FOUR A.D.!!) So, I decided to do a sequel to The Christmas Party, centering on, what else, New Year's Eve in Times Square! Please don't shoot me if it's dumb. I had this idea about five minutes ago and it's 43 minutes until 2004. I don't have much time.  
  
Warning: One-sided fluff in this chapter. If ya dun like, ya dun read. Deal with it.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Alex, Zim, the big drop-y ball-y thing in Times Square, Times Square itself, The War of The Worlds, Earth Abides, or whatever company makes Voots. That belongs to Jhonen, Jhonen, ABC or some other broadcasting company, the mayor of (Townsville!) New York City, H. G. Wells, George R. Stewart, and Jhonen. I don't even own the musical floating ball. That's my definition of what Gir was playing with in one of the episodes. Guess which one and I'll give you a cyber-dollar! I do own the plot, however.  
  
~*~  
  
The Irken in Times Square  
  
~*~  
  
Zim sat on top of a building, overlooking a crowd of humans as they gathered in the dying light of their Sun. Many were gathered, wearing red hats. and holding red balloon things with gold streamers. And they were all gathered in this place called Times Square, New York City. Zim had been monitoring strange construction activities here for several weeks. And now these red-hatted balloon-holding humans! Perhaps this was some kind of ritual?  
  
Dangling his feet over the side of the building, he scanned the crowd with his binoculars, then sighed and pulled out a book, Earth Abides. He had found some of the older Earthen literature entertaining, especially books about the end of the world and stuff. The War of The Worlds, like Alex had said, was much better as a book than a movie.  
  
'Stupid humans,' Zim thought, looking up only momentarily to make sure none of the humans had noticed him-- out of disguise-- on the rooftop with his Voot. 'What's this all about, anyway?'  
  
After about ten minutes, Zim grew restless and put his book back in his Nanopak, and started scanning the crowds again for any information, when he spied Alex in the crowd, wearing one of the red hats.  
  
"Huh?" Zim exclaimed. "What's SHE doing here, all the way across the country?!" But maybe she could explain this ritual. She trusted Zim, after all.  
  
Quickly putting on his disguise, Zim climbed down the wall of the building, and found himself about fifty feet away from Alex. So, Zim did what Zim does best: He made a path.  
  
"Hey! You! Move it!" The Irken shoved his way around and occasionally under the taller human's legs-- may Irk help him if he wouldn't saw off their body parts until they were two feet tall when he conquered Earth-- until he reached Alex, who was watching him with an amused expression.  
  
"Hi," Zim panted, out of breath from the shoving. "I saw you in the crowd."  
  
Alex laughed. "I heard you. Twenty feet away."  
  
"Oh," Zim shrugged. "They were in my way."  
  
They stood by each other awhile, until Zim asked, "So, what's this all about?"  
  
Alex looked at Zim as if he were crazy. "To watch the ball drop."  
  
Zim glanced at the menacing orb. "Why?"  
  
Alex blinked. "... Duh, to start the New Year? 2004?"  
  
"Oh." So Zim had worried for nothing! This was all some extravagance for a new year! 'What's the big deal, anyway?' he thought. 'The Earth's still spinning, and it's still moving around the sun. Years are an illusion, anyway. There could be a new year every month, if these creatures wanted one!'  
  
There was still one thing bothering Zim. "By the way, how did you get here?"  
  
Alex snorted. It was a strange sound. Like a piggy. Yeah. Piggies snort. "I rode a plane. Duh."  
  
"'Plane'??" Zim repeated.  
  
Alex sighed, a smile twitching at her lips. She pointed up at the vague outline of a something metal with bright lights in the sky. "Yeah. Airplane. And how did you get here, by riding a camel?"  
  
'She thinks this is all a joke,' Zim thought, then decided it wouldn't hurt to play along. "Actually, I took a taxi to Mexico, and some warui tokage gave me a ride."  
  
"'Warui tokage'? Bad lizard?" Alex said. "You speak Kanji?"  
  
"Eh, a little," Zim muttered. Actually, he had learned those words out of Shonen Jump.  
  
Alex smirked. "Hey, by the way, did you like that book I gave you?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, The War of The Worlds? Yes, I did. And it did answer my question."  
  
Alex's face blanked. "Question?"  
  
"Yeah. How prepared is Earth for a full-scale alien invasion. My analysis; Earth is a PI-TI-FUL PYUNY PLANET!"  
  
Alex laughed. "Yeah, I guess you could put it that way. Hey, I've got a new song saved on that floating thingy you got me. Wanna hear?"  
  
Zim shrugged. "Okay."  
  
Alex pulled the orb out of her pocket, and was ready to press the button when the ball lit up. The crowd roared. Alex and Zim looked up as the crowd started chanting. "60... 59... 58... 57..." Alex began chanting too. "37... 36... 35..."  
  
Gradually, Zim joined in, and slowly rose his voice as he got caught in the wave of excitement the humans were giving off. "10... 9... 8..."  
  
Alex moved closer to Zim, her thumb resting on the button. Zim didn't notice. "7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"  
  
The crowd started cheering. Alex cheered along, pushing the button and it started singing "Auld Lang Singe"(sp?). Then, she grabbed Zim's arm and kissed him.  
  
Zim's eyes widened. There was this HUMAN holding him and KISSING him and just STANDING there and this was so wrong and thank slark that at least her tongue was still in her MOUTH!  
  
Finally she let go, laughing and blushing. "Sorry," she said, grinning sheepishly. "I guess I got a little carried away, huh?" Zim wanted to puke, but he managed to nod and smile in return. Then the fireworks started.  
  
"Whoa," Alex breathed, looking up at the sky. Zim was unamused. Little rockets that made color were of no interest to an Invader. He was presently distracted with keeping his lunch down.  
  
'Just look at the colors,' he thought. 'They'll distract you.'  
  
Zim started up, and slowly he felt normal again. He didn't even notice that Alex had grabbed his hand.  
  
~*~  
  
Okay. Short and dumb. And it's now about twelve minutes after midnight. Ah well. I'll upload anyway. Even if it's late... And I just got in trouble for staying up past midnight.  
  
Happy New Year, everyone! And Merry Platypus to all. 


End file.
